Saturday, October 31, 2009

5 October Insights



Hard to believe that Halloween is here and we're officially in the countdown to the holidays!  I LOVE this time of the year.  The air is crisp and so are the apples!  The landscapes are a riot of color and...we get an extra hour of sleep (clocks "fall back") tomorrow!  As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm grateful for some of the insights gained this month.  Here's what I know for sure...
  • Breasts need regular tending!  As an owner, it is my responsibility to take the steps necessary to protect my health.  So I will continue to do my monthly self exams and schedule my annual birthday trek to the radiologist to be contorted into poses that would make a pretzel jealous!  All to keep me and "the girls" healthy.  I hope you will do the same!
  • Self esteem can be fragile.  The words we hear, beginning at a very young age all come together to form our self image.  It doesn't take much to crush someone's self worth, but there are concrete steps we can each take to strengthen our self image.  In the meantine, it's worth remembering that words matter - especialy the ones we choose to describe or speak to, ourselves.  The sub-consicous mind cannot take a joke.  Choose your words carefully.  Choose to lift up, rather than tear down.
  • Safety is personal.  Know the warning signs that you or someone you care about may be in a destructive relationship.  Be alive, awake, conscious and aware of your surroundings, friendships and what/who you listen to.  It just might save your life.
  • Time is a gift.  In the fast paced world we live in, if feels difficult sometimes to slow down.  It's all perception!  Catastrophic illness diagnosis forces you to slow down and make the time to examine what is truly important.  I firmly believe that it's also a wake up call to each of us when a friend receives a diagnosis.  There are ways to help and encourage your friend and in the process, give yourself a gift that money cannot buy.
  • Friendship is the most precious gift.  I consider myself quite fortunate to have many friends.  My richest blessings are truly my girlfriends!  I asked several friends to share their stories this month.  Janey, Katie and Lynda were honest and selfless.  Thank you!  I hope they have inspired and encouraged you to write your own story....maybe you'll share it here!!?  I took a few minutes today to re-read each post and am reminded of what I appreciate in each of these amazing women.  As I write this, I smile and offer a silent prayer for their continued good health and presence in my life, knowing that everything can change in an instant.
Thank you for reading and commenting.  I appreciate your kind words and encouragement!!  November is National Caregivers and Hospice/Palliative Care month, and 3 new Heart of Hope bracelets will make their debut.  So much to cover...so little time! 

Cool runnings - Peace be the journey!

Photo Credit:

Friday, October 30, 2009

If we tell them...


Some people don't know
  • how important it is that they exist...
  • how great they are as a colleague...
  • how good it is just to see them...
  • how comforting their smile is...
  • that their laughter is like a healing tonic...
  • how much we have benefited from their encouragement...
  • how good it feels just to be near them...
  • that one hug from them makes us feel like we can do ANYTHING...
  • how much poorer we would be without them...
  • how much richer our lives are for their presence...
  • that they are like Heaven's gift to us....
They would know if we told them...like I'm telling you!  Don't hold back.  Tell the people in your life how much they mean to you...today!


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Movie Corner - October


Like suicide, cancer (in general) and breast cancer (in particular) doesn't seem to be the stuff of Hollywood.  Although there are so many women who live/work under the bright lights of the entertainment industry, who have bravely shared their cancer stories. Sheryl Crowe and Melissa Etheridge jump quickly to mind.  I admire both women for not letting cancer define who they are as human beings or as artists.

I will say that there are more movies about the topic than I expected.  My GoodSearch search netted a couple of good leads.  The first is a blogpost by Michelle Kung:  Chemo Style on the Big Screen: Top 10 Picks for Cancer Movies.  Based on her descriptions, I have added "Pieces of April" (2003) and "Blow Dry" (2001) to my Netflix queue. Of the movies reviewed, Patch Adams, starring Robin Williams is one of my favorites.  Not mentioned, but a wonderful movie about cancer, friendship and carrying on is "Calendar Girls", proving once again that girlfriends and laughter are a great source of healing.   The second is a post by Jacki Donaldson, discussing "In the Land of Women", starring Meg Ryan.  I like Olympia Dukakis and Meg Ryan, so that's in the queue as well!

So....I'm thinking that popcorn may not be a great diet addition for chemo patients.  But since I have no personal knowledge, I'm willing to be open minded and would love to hear from you, the experts.  Can you, in fact enjoy popcorn if you are undergoing chemotherapy?  Let me know!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Suicide Prevention - a follow up


We are very fortunate in the San Francisco Bay Area to have KQED Radio a wonderful NPR station with a variety of programs covering topics as diverse as our culture.  I got a late start to the office yesterday and listened to FORUM, hosted by Michael Krasny, a program I normally miss.  The topic discussed was the recent cluster of four teen suicides in Palo Alto, CA. 

Dr. Philippe Rey, a psychiatrist and panel guest, discussed many of the issues facing teens today and gave concrete suggestions for parents and friends, sharing ways to engage adolescents and young adults, as well as how to have the "difficult" conversation.  My takeaway...seems better to ask "have you thought about suicide" and risk the rolled eyes/ire of your teen, than to avoid the question, assume all is well and live with the potential loss and associated guilt. While not an easy topic to discuss, I was struck by the sensitivity and candor of the panel members, guests and Mr. Krasny.  I heard a sense of urgency from Christine Dunn, the CalTrain representative, to identify safety issues and minimize opportunistic suicide, while balancing the financial/business needs of a public transportation agency.  I also sensed compassion from all of the panel members for the call-in guests who each had a brief story to share about someone they lost to suicide.  And, as always, I learned something new.

Like so many other NPR programs, FORUM is recorded and available for download as a podcast usually within 24-48 hours of the original program.  Check the FORUM program page.
Tue, Oct 27, 2009 -- 9:00 AM  Teen Suicide
"Caltrain is investigating the fourth teen suicide on the train tracks near Palo Alto in less than a year. We explore ways to identify an anxious or depressed adolescent, and discuss how parents and communities can respond."


Here are some additional resources courtesy of the FORUM page:

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Action through Advocacy – Domestic and Family Violence



Last month I posted Action Through Advocacy.  Getting involved in the legislative process for a cause you care about is a positive way to channel emotional energy and make a difference. If you are a survivor, are currently battling breast cancer or would like to make your voice heard, join with others who are working to affect public policy.
This will sound like a broken record, but it bears repeating! Once you are an advocate, here’s what you can reasonably be expected to do:
  • Educate yourself – become familiar with the strategy and current objectives of the advocacy program
  • Educate others – know your story and share it as needed. Encourage those within your sphere of influence to join you.
  • Respond – write or speak when requested and be alert to opportunities where you can educate and inform elected officials concerning domestic and family violence.

Next step….take a minute today to learn more about the Advocacy and Public Policy efforts of the following organizations:





or Google the following key words – Domestic violence, advocacy, public policy - to find the right opportunity to channel your energy. As always, please share your findings, so that we can all learn!
 

Saturday, October 24, 2009

LinkedIn to Breast Cancer Awareness Groups


LinkedIn is almost as popular as Facebook and an excellent professional networking tool. I found a number of LinkedIn communities who are working to raise breast cancer awareness.  Reminder: To access/join any of these groups, you must have a LinkedIn Profile and be logged in. To log in or create a profile, please visit the LinkedIn website.

The National Breast Cancer Foundation mission is to save lives by increasing awareness of breast cancer through education and by providing mammograms for those in need. NBCF accomplishes this mission through our initiatives, such as the National Mammography Program (NMP), Beyond the Shock educational video, MyNBCF online community, and the Early Detection Plan. NBCF programs provide women help for today and hope for tomorrow.

Pink Cures was started by an 11-year old girl, Tara, whose friend lost her mother to breast cancer, and Tara's mom. Together they make and sell breast cancer jewelry and gifts, and donate 100% of the proceeds to breast cancer research.

Triple Negative Breast Cancer's mission is to raise awareness of triple negative breast cancer and to support scientists and researchers in their effort to determine the definitive causes of triple negative breast cancer, so that effective detection, diagnosis, prevention and treatment can be pursued and achieved.

Feeling the Pink - Breast Cancer Awareness.  The group is about educating men and women about self breast examinations and healthy breast issues. The message that Early Detection Saves Lives needs to be promoted.  In 2005 Breakthrough Breast Cancer carried out a Boob survey where thousands of women were asked if they had checked their breasts within the past 28 days..82 % said that they had not and 47% alarming said they did not know how to undertake a self examination.This group will address those issues.

Back in the Swing is the first and only national nonprofit organization providing grassroots awareness, education and fundraising on behalf of the more than 2 and a half million breast cancer survivors in the United States to empower them to get back in the swing of life physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I (Diana Whaley Magers) started a group of Breast Cancer Awareness called Fight Like a Girl. I would like for you and your friends to join and maybe get an discussion going of your topic of interest on how to deal with and giving support to women that suffer with this disease. Thank you very much.

Please note:  The descriptions above were taken directly from the LinkedIn group page for each group.


Friday, October 23, 2009

Gift Giving – a New Perspective


Giving gifts is a time honored tradition in almost every culture.  We celebrate milestones like birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, graduation, bar/bat mitzvahs, Quincineras, engagements, new babies and more with gifts.  Winter holidays such as Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and Christmas are typically ALL about the gifts!  And Hallmark has worked hard to set aside specific days to honor our admins, grandparents, friends, mothers, fathers, valentines, sweethearts and more, all in an effort to get us into the gift 9and card!) giving mood.  I hope that you will keep the Heart of Hope bracelets on your list as your favorite "go to" gift for any occasion.  But today, I want to re-frame the custom of giving gifts...just a little!

As I get older, I realize how materially blessed my family, friends and I are.  We really don't "need" anything and I often joke that NEED is a very relative concept!  Instead, there will be times when we really need to give the gift of time to someone we love.  Time?!  You may have someone in your life who is battling with a catastrophic or potentially life threatening disease like breast cancer, or has escaped an abusive relationship.  It may even be you!  These events are not typical milestones to celebrate, but I believe we may want to reconsider the definition of "typical" and celebrate these precious moments!!

But how do you give a gift of time and make it special? How do you offer your services and have the intended recipient actually accept the help offered, in the spirit it was offered?  I was discussing this with some friends a while back and we all agreed that it's tough to accept help gracefully!  Together, we came up with a lovely solution - a way to turn an offer of time and/or service into something that the recipient can intellectually accept with grace.  when you think about it, if someone you cared about, took the time to wrap up a gift and give it to you, you wouldn't turn it down.  You just wouldn't!

Whatever the occasion, the Project Gift Box is perfect for someone who needs help and not "stuff".  You can go solo, or better yet, get together with several friends to create a customized gift. 

Step 1 - Create the Box
  • Find a medium sized gift box with a lid.  Green tip:  Recycle an old gift box!
  • Go all out and decorate it to your heart's desire!  Wrapping paper, ribbon, glitter, the works!  Add uplifting messages.
  • Wrap the box and the lid separately.
  • Find 4 - 5 different colors of paper and cut into 3" x 3" squares - Medium sized PostIt notes are the perfect size and don't require cutting!  The colors correspond to the amount of time which can be donated for any given offer (e.g. 15-30 min., 1-2 hours, 3+ hours, etc)
  • Tape one slip of each color, with the time allotment, to the inside of the lid (as a reminder)
Step 2 - Add the Gifts
  • Think about household projects/chores that can be shared/delegated. (See suggestions below).  There are chores that probably need/should be done by the recipient, but does it really matter who rakes the leaves or cleans the cat box?
  • Estimate how much time the task will take and jot it onto the corresponding slip of paper.
  • Drop each of the tasks into the decorated box.
  • On a separate card, add the following message and include it with the box.  "Whenever someone asks you "What can I do to help you?", ask them how much time they have and then ask them to pull a colored slip from this gift box.  Then relax and appreciate this gift of time!"
  • Deliver the gift box to your friend!

That's it!  What chores would you add to the Project Gift Box!
Cool Runnings - Peace be the journey.

Suggested Chores - you are limited by your own imagination!!!

  • Change the bed linens
  • Fold clean laundry
  • Assemble a grocery shopping list (look in the cupboards and learn the specific brands your friend buys)
  • Go grocery shopping
  • Put away groceries
  • Pull weeds
  • Read to the patient or a restless toddler
  • Help with homework
  • Walk the dog(s)
  • Clean the catbox, hamster cage, rabbit hutch, bird cage, goldfish bowl, etc.
  • Empty the dishwasher
  • Clean the toilet(s)
  • Mow the lawn
  • Take the car to the carwash
  • Follow your friend to the dealership/repair shop for auto servicing.  Take them out for coffee while you wait.
  • drop off a bank deposit
  • Plant flowers/veggies
  • Clean the pool
  • Run the vacuum
  • Rake leaves
  • Clean the gutters
  • Carpool kids to school, soccer, dance lessons, etc.
  • Collect the trash/recycling and turn it in.
  • Pick up/Drop off a prescription or dry cleaning order.
  • Return library books, video rentals
  • Shovel snow
  • Hose off window screens

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Develop and Share Your Story


I'm really on a kick regarding stories.  How to develop them and then looking for opportunities to share them.  One of my late husband's favorite movie lines was from Mad Max...and while I could not find the exact quote, it goes something like: "we tells these tales, so we can remember".

Yesterday's post to Defeat ALS was Developing your Story - Tips and Tricks.  It was specifically geared to developing a personal story around an ALS diagnosis.  The biggest take away from the post is this: Your ultimate goal is to educate people about the disease, share your experience, talk about what the specific organization that you support does to help people with the disease. Then ask for help to honor you/your family member/your friend by supporting the good work done by that organization.  I believe your focus on raising money to fund research/find a cure will ultimately help you speak with confidence.

I believe there are several versions of a personal story which need to be developed.
  1. A personal history which is the War & Peace version of your story.
  2. A basic narrative which is a synopsis of your circumstance.  It would include the type of disease or condition, details concerning your diagnosis, your initial reaction(s) to your diagnosis, what have you learned about yourself as a result of your diagnosis, how you have been assisted by family, friends, support organizations and advice to other patients in your situation.
  3. Finally, you need an "elevator" pitch.  Which is your basic narrative condensed into 90 seconds.  This is often used as an introduction when you are asked to speak, are attending a support group or meet with legislators in the context of an advocacy event.  This is often the hardest to develop because you need to hit the "high notes" and pull the heart strings in one and a half minutes.
As I cruised the web for additional resources, I came across BreastCancerStories.org and want to share the link.  It's a beautiful site with honest, authentic stories.
"What truly makes BreastCancerStories.org different from a traditional blog site is that the stories are all searchable by location, age, type of breast cancer / treatment, marital status, ethnic background and more. It's very therapeutic to find others going through a similar situation, read their stories and even connect with them directly through the website."

So...what's your story!?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Share the Care - Offering Help


Some time ago, I wrote a post on my Defeat ALS blog entitled Ask for help / receive offers for help graciously. In it I wrote, "We are just not programmed to receive help. How often is it beat into our heads (from childhood!), “it is better to give than to receive”? Well, the truth is, somebody forgot to close the loop on this little axiom. If nobody receives, it makes it damn HARD to give!"

I attended a health care conference earlier this year and had a conversation with someone who helps organize friends/family members who want to help a loved one who is battling cancer. She agreed with my sentiment but shared a slightly different perspective. She said, I hear all the time "I would love to have some help! I want help, I know I need help, but with everything I'm trying to cope with, I can't always articulate what I need. The truth for me is that when you ask me "what can I do to help you?", the offer is so vague, my brain goes into overload and I just can't answer!" Hmmmmm. We finished our conversation and went our separate ways.

A bit later in the day, I walked into a card store and was immediately greeted with "May I help you?", and the "how can I help" conversation came rushing back...in a flood. I've had extensive sales training over the years, and the #1 taboo in sales is to greet a customer with "may I help you?" It's too overwhelming and immediately invites the customer to put up his/her defenses. (All together now..."no thanks, I'm just looking!") In that instant, I understood what my companion was trying to say about offers of help.

The same way I've taught my team members over the years to greet customers with ANYTHING but "that sentence" (I've actually levied fines to retrain my forgetful team members!!!), I thought it would be helpful to share some specific alternatives to "How can I help?". This is a "starter set" to consider. Just remember the goal....narrow down the options for the patient/caregiver - so that you are much more likely to get a positive, definitive answer and everyone wins!

   * I make a mean tuna cassarole and my family raves about my spaghetti. Which does your family prefer? (Obviously, insert your personal specialties!!!)
   * I am free to run the "kid shuttle" on Monday or Thursday. Which would be better for you?
   * I have an hour on Saturday to pull weeds or mow the lawn. Which chore would you like to delegate?
   *I can help you with household chores for about an hour - you know change beds, fold laundry, etc. How about Tuesday evening around 7 or Wednesday after 3?
   *I can take the kids Friday or Saturday night for a sleepover, which works best for you?

You get the idea! PLEASE add to this list by posting your suggestions!

Another alternative: Don't ask - just DO! Most of these suggestions require little or no planning and best of all, you can do them whenever YOU have the time, energy and inclination! Please keep your friend's temperament and your relationship in mind!! A word of caution...in the interest of fair disclosure: following any of these next suggestions is potentially risky! However, I am reasonably certain that even the most die-hard individualists would appreciate it if you were to:
--Wash a car left in the driveway.
--Shovel the driveway
--Safely, with a buddy, clear the gutters. or...
--Wash the outside windows. or...
--Take your kids, a couple of rakes and some big trash bags and just rake the leaves in your friend's yard. or...Trim the hedges. or....
--Mow the lawn. or...
--Deadhead/fertilize the roses. Other???


Your imagination is the only limit to building your Mitzvah list. Let me know how it goes!
Originally posted to Defeat ALS on May 21, 2009


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Action through Advocacy for Breast Cancer



Last month I posted Action Through Advocacy.  Getting involved in the legislative process for a cause you care about is a positive way to channel emotional energy and make a difference. If you are a survivor, currently battling breast cancer or would like to make your voice heard, join with others who are working to affect public policy.
Remember, Once you are an advocate, here’s what you can reasonably be expected to do:
  • Educate yourself become familiar with the strategy and current objectives of the advocacy program
  • Educate others – know your story and share it as needed. Encourage those within your sphere of influence to write their story and join you.
  • Respond – write or speak when requested and be alert to opportunities where you can educate and inform elected officials concerning breast cancer or overall breast health.

Next step….take a minute today to learn more about the Advocacy and Public Policy efforts of the following organizations





or Google the following key words – breast cancer, advocacy, public policy - to find the right opportunity to channel your grief/anger. As always, please share your findings, so that we can all learn!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Breast Self Exam – Why and How it should be done


The truth is, the odds of getting breast cancer are certainly stacked in favor of the disease. Here are just a few of the statistics taken from the BreastCancer Facts and Figures 2007-2008, a report produced by the American Cancer Society, which should inspire you to do a breast self exam AT LEAST once a month. Honestly, just about any statistic on breast cancer that you could EVER want to know is contained in this very comprehensive report. Here are a few highlights.
  • Each year, approximately 240,000 women and 2000 men will receive a breast cancer diagnosis. Yes…while rare, men do get breast cancer.
  • Almost 75% of the time, a woman will hear that the cancer is invasive, to varying degrees, meaning that it has spread to surrounding tissue or other organs. The rest will be only somewhat relieved to hear the words in situ, meaning their cancer is all in one place, well contained, and has not spread.
  • 17% of women will lose their battle and die while a whopping 25% of men will be lost to Breast Cancer. Only lung cancer accounts for more deaths in women.

So….now that I’ve sufficiently scared you into checking your breasts each month (I have, haven't I??!), what’s next?



Make a date with your breasts.

Seriously! Pick a date, any date of the month and circle it on the calendar. I do mine on the 10th of each month – which is my birth date and easy to remember. Some suggest the first or last day of the month, but the point is to pick a date and stick with it. Once a month should be fine if you are post menopausal, but if you are still menstruating, you will want to get and be familiar with your breasts during different times of your cycle.  Keep this date with yourself...do not blow it off.  Encourage the men in your life to do the same - especially if there is any breast cancer family history!



Know the mechanics.

I have a card that hangs in my shower to remind me of the actual mechanics of self exam. There are many options available [Google breast self exam, shower cards], but the least expensive one I found is sold by the American Institute for Preventative Medicine.  They offer a shower-ready card made of 100% recycled material with handy reminder punch-outs for $2 each (less if you buy in bulk). Both in-shower and out of shower steps are covered on the card.  I think these cards would make a great gift for every woman in your life which could easily be enclosed in a holiday, birthday or thank you card!!! HR Managers out there, you can also order them with company imprints.



Know what you’re looking for.

Now that you know HOW to check, what exactly are you looking for? eHow – How to do just about anything has an easy to read set of early warning signs that I use.


In general, early warning signs fall into a couple of big buckets, but any of the following, should prompt you to get an appointment with your doctor as soon as is practical. DON’T HESITATE. It’s much better to find out that a lump is nothing to worry about, than to ignore it, hoping it will go away, only to find out that you’ve got a big problem on your hands.

  • Lumps are normal in breasts! Be wary if you find anything unusual in the upper, outer quadrant of your breast or directly behind the nipple. WebMD has a useful guide to help you.
  • Skin Inflammation or change in texture – You’re looking for skin that is red/irritated, dimpled, puckered, scaly, or inflamed, particularly around the nipple.
  • Skin swelling – pay attention if you notice a change in the size, shape or contour of either breast.
  • Nipple discharge – clear or bloody discharge means get thee to the doctor pronto!

Last and certainly not least, beginning with your 40th birthday, sooner if there is a history of Breast Cancer in your family, schedule a regular mammogram. Mammograms are NOT fool proof and are not a substitute for regular self exam. I know several people who have discovered cancerous lumps that their mammogram missed!  That said, mammograms are useful and just one more tool to help keep you safe, and can alert your doctor to changes in your breast health!  I follow my own advice!!  My annual mammogram is a present I give myself each year on or near my birthday. I schedule the exam as early in the day as possible and then spend the rest of the day doing whatever I want! There’s always a period of gratitude for the progress we’ve made to create awareness and tools for early detection and swift interventions.



Sunday, October 18, 2009

LinkedIn® Groups raising Domestic Violence and Breast Cancer awareness


As I write this, there are 78 groups on LinkedIn® where like-minded professionals can gather to support each other and make a difference in the fight against Domestic Violence, and 152 groups dedicated to Breast Cancer awareness.  I am especially impressed with the caliber of the discussion boards and links to resources within these groups. I've listed just a few examples, there are MANY others and I'm sure you can find one which might be just right for you!  Reminder: To access/join any of these groups, you must have a LinkedIn Profile. To log in or create a profile, please visit the LinkedIn website

Domestic Violence Awareness
  • Domestic Violence and Homelessness The DVH group consists of web site owners taking action to help homelessness caused by domestic violence.
  • Not Without My Pet is committed to promoting the safety and well-being of both human and animal victims of domestic violence.
  • Silent Witness Initiative is an international organization that honors and remembers the women, men & children who are murdered each year in acts of domestic violence
  • To access a full listing of DV related groups on LinkedIn, please click here.

Breast Cancer Awareness
  • Susan G. Komen (For the Cure) is the world's largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists fighting to save lives, empower people, ensure quality care for all and energize science to find the cures!
  • The Winning Woman Network – everything with style! A Winning Woman has a good sense about herself. She knows what's important, what she wants out of life, and how she will get it. Most of all, there is a sense of peace within that gives her the confidence that regardless how many obstacles she may face, she is not alone and can share this journey with others - with a winning attitude, she is a Winner!
  • breastcancer.org is dedicated to providing the most reliable, complete and up-to-date information about breast cancer. Our mission is to help women and their loved ones make sense of the complex medical and personal information about breast cancer so they can make the best decisions for their lives.
  • "Some Days..." Book For The Cure Andy Koehn is on a mission to raise money to support and fund the breast cancer initiatives of the Susan G. Komen For The Cure foundation. He wrote a simple book in the wake of his wife's stage iv breast cancer diagnosis to help his children learn the simple but often difficult concept of "acceptance."
  • Save the Eggs Our mission is to secure funds for women unable to cover the expense of saving their eggs when faced with the possibility of infertility due to chemo therapy--specifically in the treatment of Breast Cancer.
  • Click here for a full listing of LinkedIn groups related to breast cancer awareness.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Buffing up a battered Self-Esteem


Someone asked me the other day "Are you always so positive?!"  I had to think about it for a second, but my answer was (and is!) "Yes....for the most part I am."  That got me thinking about resiliance.  You know...how to get back into the batter's box when life hurls the inevitable fast or curve ball, and it hits you.  Too bad we can't just throw down the bat and take a base!  Nope, we have to stay at the plate and keep swinging.  Baseball metaphors aside, I thought about the tools I use and of course, the universe provided the answer, as I was cleaning out an old file drawer.

I found this list a number of years ago and fell in love.  It's concise, easy to follow and reminds me to appreciate the very special gifts that only Kathie can bring to this game called life.  Each year as I review the year and set new goals, I take a look at this list and do a self assessment.  Whether you are struggling with a life threatening disease, trying to make your way back from an abusive situation or simply trying to figure out why you are here, I am confident that following these few exercises will help keep you at the plate and swinging away!
  • Cultivate self-appreciation.  Write a list of your top seven qualities as these are what make you unique onto a 3 x 5 index card. Carry the card with you every day and read them several times a day (out loud is best!) to remind yourself of who you are and what makes you special. And you ARE....special.
  • Write a list of past successes.  Think about the times in your life when you've been successful at something. Write a list of all of these and remind yourself of how you did this and how great it felt when you'd achieved your goals. Use these past experiences to fuel your self-belief and confidence for achieving your goals now.
  • Don't engage in negative dialogue.  Don’t put yourself down in front of others as it succeeds to tell you and everyone else that you don’t value yourself and have a low self-confidence.  The sub-concious mind cannot take a joke, so negativity sinks in really deep.  Be careful who you hang around with and limit your exposure to negative media.
  • Support yourself and put yourself first.  Be your own best friend. Don’t beat yourself up and call yourself names. Be encouraging and congratulate yourself when you complete actions moving towards your healthier lifestyle goal. This will help your self-worth soar.
  • Choose positive role models.  By looking at others in a constructive way rather than negatively comparing, we can help ourselves. Look at others with a glowing self-confidence and notice their characteristics. Pick up words and body language that they use and add this to your own repertoire.  You are the company you keep.  Your friends are a reflection of what you believe your true nature to be.
  • Accept Compliments.  Being able to accept, believe and feel good about accepting compliments is crucial to cultivating a high self-confidence. The best way to accept compliments is to look the person in the face, smile and say "thank you". And that's all!  This will in turn also make them feel good. Looking embarrassed, and feeling uncomfortable will also make them feel uncomfortable.
  • Banish negative beliefs.  What are your negative beliefs and how have your negative beliefs held you back so far? Write them down.  Cross them out and make a pact to add nothing else to the list.  Then, for each negative belief write down one of the positive beliefs you developed in the first exercise.
  • Adjust your body language.  Stand tall.  Head up, shoulders back, belly in...strong from the core.  Having good posture tells your mind, and others, that you’re looking good and feeling confident.  I love the line from Trading Places, the Dan Ackroyd/Eddie Murphy movie.  "Looking good Billy Ray!"  "Feeling good Billy Ray!"  Say it out loud.  Yes...you'll probably laugh, but you will also feel great!
  • Use positive affirmations.  Using positive affirmations everyday is effective as you’re communicating with the negative thoughts stored in your sub-conscious. Pick three strong statements, which literally make a negative self-belief into a positive one. For example, if you believe you’re not a confident person then “I am a confident person” should be one of the positive affirmations that you say every day. Say your positive affirmations out loud while looking in the mirror and connect with yourself.  If you need help with this, there is a fabulous deck of cards written and produced by Louise Hay, one of my favorite authors.  Check the link below - it's worth the investment.
  • Redefine your self-image.  You are who you THINK you are.  Think about and write up who you are now. Identify the bits you want to change and rewrite a definition of your self-image. Read this everyday for the next three weeks at least and be that person. Prepare for the changes you are going to make and the new you by throwing out your old clothes and thinking about how best to dress your new self. Then go shopping!
Batter up!  How do you work on, polish up your self image?  Please share your best tips/tricks.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Tweet to raise Breast Cancer Awareness!

Now that I'm getting the hang of it, Twitter, and more specifically Tweeting is fun!  I still have a lot to learn, but I've been introduced to a wealth of resources I had no idea even existed.  Here are a few of the breast cancer community Tweeps (people who Tweet) I follow:

@Wigscom @pinkribbonprog @Breastcancerorg @cancerandcareer @FightPink @malebreastcancr @BCsurvivors @thepinkribbon @KomenCentValley @WRFTC @ArmyofWomen


There are also some great general cancer Tweeps sharing information and ideas:
@cancerandcareer @oncologyjournal @cure_magazine @NFCR @cancercures @goodprnews @CancerInfoHQ @ACSNews @SU2C @planetcancer

I've also learned about caregiving, clinical trials and patient empowerment by following:
@Carebuzz @patientpower @PharmaInsider @NHSChoices @CenterWatch

Hashtags are a community-driven convention for adding additional context and metadata to your tweets. Used sparingly and respectfully, hashtags can provide useful context and cues for recall, as well as increased utility for the track feature. Used excessively can cause annoyance, confusion or frustration, and may lead people to stop following you. It's best to use hashtags explicitly when they're going to add value, rather than on every word in an update. Here are some Hashtags I have used to find general and breast cancer related conversations:  #blamedrewscancer #breastcancer  

Enter "Breast Cancer" into the Twitter search and you are quickly immersed in a stream of Tweets.

Please help me grow the list by sharing your Tweeps!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

October Blog Roll


The most fascinating part of joining the blogosphere (yep...that's the term!) is just how many people are out "there" writing about just about EVERYTHING!  From one of my favorite Tweeps, badbanana (aka Tim Siedell) "14.9 million Americans are now unemployed. That's a lot of new blogs."

Even though I am currently employed, each month I search the blogosphere for the interesting voices for the topics that have my attention.  My criteria is completely arbitrary, but the writer needs to "speak to me" and hold my attention.  Reading the rantings, raves, muses and postings of others takes some time, but is a great way to get a number of different viewpoints to help frame and inform my own.

Here is my October honor roll:
Domestic Violence and the Workplace  is written by Kim Wells.  Kim's the Executive Director of the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (CAEPV).  Her style is similar to mine, informative, journalistic and full of references.  I added her to my Google Reader list after reading her post "What are YOU Doing for Domestic Violence Awareness Month? (Or...Where is All the Purple?)" a thoughtful and thought provoking piece about the history of Breast Cancer and where Domestic Violence can (and should!) be if we all raise our collective conscience and voice.  Kim seems to be a fellow social media junkie/student, looking for and sharing new and creative ways to raise awareness for her cause.  Check out Wedding Video Now a Tool to Fight Domestic Violence.   Kim gives props to a couple who have chosen to use their newfound YouTube fame for good.  I'm definitely a traditionalist when it comes to weddings, but this was fun to watch!

my Breast Cance blog  is written by Jacki Donaldson.  Interspersed with very personal observations on her own cancer (Dear Doctor), are links to inspiring personal stories (Strength of a Rose), updates on healthcare services (Mammogram Bus Rolling Through Puerto Rico) and links to cool products (BondiBand - Fashion Meets Function Meets Cancer). 

People Working to End Violence Against Women is affiliated with the White Ribbon Campaign in Toronto Canada.  WRC is the largest effort in the world of men working to end men's violence against women.  You can also follow the writer on Twitter @whiteribbon.  I love the actual URL for this collection "our future has no violence against women".

Last, but certainly not least is the Breast Cancer Reconstruction Blog written by Minas Chrysopoulo MD.    "Breast cancer is the leading cancer affecting American women. Almost any woman who loses her breast to cancer can have it rebuilt through plastic surgery. This breast reconstruction blog was created to introduce women to the latest reconstructive procedures available. Women who have faced this ordeal are encouraged to share comments that may help others following in their footsteps. "  As you might guess, this blog is medically oriented but does a good job of taking a lot of the mystery out of medicine.  I really appreciated his October 6th post Scar Healing - Tips For (Almost) Invisible Scars, good, common sense advice for any type of scarring.

Organized as a web page for a research project, Male Breast Cancer 101 tackles the rare by equally frightening world of Male Breast Cancer.

OK....that's my list.  Who are your favorite bloggers?  Who do you go to for information and stories on breast cancer and domestic violence awareness/survival?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

October Book Recommendations

I will have to read fast this month!  I have two new "books" in my Kindle covering domestic violence and breast cancer awareness.  Both are stories of survival and the new road forged by the author following difficult, life threatening situations.  I look forward to reading their stories!    

It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock.  This is the Amazon.com product description. 
"Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding their way out, victims' difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors of abuse know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare; it is the beginning of a difficult journey toward healing and happiness. It's My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to help them heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship, combining guidance on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. In the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals."
Five Lessons I Didn't Learn From Breast Cancer (And One Big One I Did) by Shelley Lewis is my second choice for October.  She had me at "Dear God, WTF...." on the first page.  Again, from the Amazon.com product description:
"An irreverent, funny, compassionate look at what having breast cancer means—and what it doesn’t.  From the pink ribbons to the websites that sell related accessories and stuffed animals, breast cancer has morphed from a disease to an experience. And at every step of the way, society tells women that this experience can teach them profound lessons and maybe even give them a peek at the meaning of life.  But what if it doesn’t?  A wonderful interweaving of the author’s personal story, interviews with breast cancer survivors, and a sharp-eyed journalist’s look at the breast cancer “community,” this book is full of unconventional wisdom, unexpected advice, and hilarious observations about life inside the pink bubble."
And one final recommendation, shared by "Grammygail", one of my new readers.
"Thomas Edward knows first-hand the emotional and physical pain associated with sexual abuse and neglect. He understands what it’s like to suffer in silence with nowhere to turn. And he’s passionate about helping other male survivors heal from the aftermath of their abuse and move from surviving to thriving. Tom wrote "Healing a Man’s Heart", a workbook designed to help Christian men face, admit, and deal with their abuse. He says, “I wrote this workbook for men who are stuck just like I used to be—men whose hearts long to be set free, but fear dampens and steals any ray of hope.” His goal is for men to become comfortable addressing the issues within them and eventually arrive to a point of breaking the silence.  Tom also conducts “Healing Broken Men” workshop retreats, which are great for participants to start or continue their healing in a safe, private, and supportive environment. Workshop sessions include losing the victim status, removing the fear factor, destroying lies and myths, repainting your picture with truth, and reclaiming God’s identity for you.  For more information about Thomas Edward and his work, please visit his website."
   

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Katie's Story



Katie is regal, with a lovely, proper British lilt to her voice.  In my humble opinion, the queen of England could take lessons in diplomacy, grace, and generosity from Katie!  Our worlds were worlds apart, until I dodged a layoff bullet at CommerceOne and found safe haven in Katie's fast paced world of international partners.  She helped me to grow as an employee, a team mate and as a human being.  Over the years, she has championed my dreams as an artist, offering advice, encouragement, and cold, hard cash!  She is one of my most loyal customers!  In my experience it is rare when a manager/subordinate relationship results in a lasting, personal friendship.  There is so much more I could say, but instead I will share with you that my life is infintely richer as a result of our friendship.  Here is her breast cancer story.
"Breast cancer touched our life when our sister in law Susi was diagnosed and passed away two years later.

An annual mammogram identified a lump and even dispite having a painful biopsy I was Pollyanna and nothing was going to happen to me.
I was working for a start up company and traveling across the country between the biopsy and my diagnosis and really I just felt it was an inconvenience!


My surgeon assumed I knew but because of my travel I had not been home for the call from my doctor! I was not Pollyanna. I had breast cancer, I knew it killed and had a 4 year old daughter who would always have the risk. That was the most devastating moment. Noone can prepare you for it.


What I was also not prepared for was the outpouring of love and support from all points of my life. I discovered friendships that I know I will cherish for life and I realized that I had to live life to the full.


My cancer was stage 1 and detected very early. I had it removed and then did 7 weeks of radiation which they tell me has a very high success rate. Women have lives for another 30 years - that is not acceptable to me as I want the 50 year plan!!! I want to meet Elizabeth's grandchildren!!


I look back 18 months later and know that the diagnosis was also about my life and my priorities. I resigned from the start up and volunteered for a non-profit helping women-led, high growth companies. I am now working for Astia full time, still working hard but making a difference and Elizabeth understands what I do!!


I am thankful for the research but know we need to know more - I want a world where Elizabeth does not have to worry about Breast cancer as it is curable, and no families lose their Susi."

Monday, October 12, 2009

Tweeting Domestic Violence Awareness


Twitter is a fun tool for quickly sharing information or plugging into a specific community.  Here are the Tweeps I follow in the Domestic Violence prevention and awareness community:
@JoeTorreCharity @NDVH  @violatorstop  @NCADV  @ClickToEmpower  @datingviolence  @MSPNY  @PixelProject  @abusesurvivors  @MenSteppinUp  @MenCanStopRape 

These are some additional voices you may find interesting
@kidwritersclub  @VoicesofWomen  @HIJusticeCenter  @WYCAMonterey  @ cpedvcoalition  @breakthecycleDV  @FamilyJusticeSD  @SafeHorizon  @ dvep_at_msp  @loveisrespect  @MADEcoalition


The most useful hastags I found were #DVAM and #domestic violence.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Janey's Story - Part 3


The great escape


I know, I know – it sounds melodramatic. However, at that time I thought of it just that way. In my mind, I was the hapless soldier in the movie, “The Great Escape,” and I was going to be hunted down and killed if I didn’t get it right.


It was a Tuesday morning in March – beautiful weather, nothing apparently amiss. Although I was terrified on the inside, I was cheerful during breakfast. I wished my husband a great day and kissed him good-bye at the door. He started the hour-long commute to his work, thinking I was fifteen minutes behind him on the way to mine.


I then waited the hour it would take him to reach his job. What if he came back because he forgot something? What if he felt ill on the commuter train and turned around? I couldn’t risk starting to pack until I knew he was safely at the other end. After an appropriate amount of time, I called a colleague and verified that my husband was there – he was. I asked that he not tell my husband I called and he agreed (even if he had told him, I had an hour head start).


Next I took out my list and packed every item in my little hatchback car. I had a dog and a cat (mine before the marriage) which I needed to drop off at my father’s house, two hours north of where I lived. I called my retired father and gave a short account of what was going on, promising more detail when I arrived. I then left a brief good-bye letter for my husband and headed for my Dad’s.


I stayed at my father’s house only a couple of hours. He understood why I couldn’t stay with him, thank goodness, and trusted that my colleague, Linda, was the best place to stay. So I left my dog, cat and keepsakes with him and got back on the road.


I arrived at Linda’s house, which was three and a half hours in the opposite direction, by early evening. I lived with her a little over three weeks. My boss at work was understanding, assuring me that my job was not in jeopardy and would be there for me when I returned. I spoke with my therapist several times during my stay. He contacted my husband and subsequently counseled me to stay away from both my hometown and my work. He said my husband was out of control and I should not risk contact. I waited until the therapist gave me the go-ahead before renting a small apartment and moving back near my work.


Moving on
I was lucky in so many ways. My husband’s behavior got him fired from his job and he left town. After he calmed down, my husband never tried to contact me. I had a good job to return to and supportive colleagues. The rebuilding process could begin.


This all happened over twenty years ago, but the experience was so intense that the memories seem crystal clear. And if you ask me right now who the most memorable people are in my life – guess who’s at the top of the list?


Reach out when it’s time to go – the Linda’s of this world are out there. I know I will never forget mine.