Planning for the future includes planning for the end....

In my last post, I wrote about the tough task of planning for the end. Once we got set up with hospice, we set about the process of planning Bill’s celebration of life. Now…again, this post may be a bit uncomfortable but I hope it will inspire you to be an active participant in planning the celebration of your well lived life.

Once you are gone, it will be up to your loved ones to plan your services. I can assure you that it’s hard enough to grieve your passing without having to guess at your wishes. You will not be around to answer the myriad of questions they'll have.  Questions like: casket, cremation or other; what clothes you want to be buried in; who will carry your casket; organ donation?; what songs were meaningful to you; where should your ashes be scattered; who will give your eulogy; will there be more than one person to speak; who will write your obituary, and about a million other details.

If these questions are thought through ahead of time, a couple of things happen. First, you and your loved ones can develop a project plan (of sorts!) and tasks on the list can be delegated to friends and family members, allowing them a way to focus their energy during this time of grief. Second and more importantly, sharing the work eases the burden on the primary family members and allows everyone to feel like they helped. The event is truly a celebration and becomes “our” sendoff. It allows for a deeper sense of closure. I was pretty fortunate to have assistance from my closest girlfriends and guidance from my financial advisor Jean, a great friend and veteran planner. She gave me a wonderful worksheet/checklist, which helped guide the conversations Bill and I had. I have a copy of the document in MS WORD format. If you would like a copy, please use the comments section to request, and include your email address.

Our friends stepped up to plan Bill’s services just as carefully as any software release I’ve ever worked on! Bill was an active part of the planning. Answering questions with “talkie” and keeping us all laughing. Janey and Terri agreed to be the project managers, leaving me free to care for Bill as we got closer and closer to the end. There was a work plan, deliverables, due dates and accountability. Friends finally convinced Bill that now was the time to develop Volume II of Bill’s favorite songs. He was added to the project plan and held accountable, just like everyone else. I remember these sessions very fondly!  And the celebration was indeed memorable - exactly what Bill wanted.


Every picture tells a story. One of the very special moments during this planning time was the “audition” of the young women Bill asked to sing his favorite songs. On a beautiful, bright, Sunday afternoon, Lyndsay, Meredith and Lauren came to the house, along with our friends Connie and Eric. The girls are sisters in every sense of the word. They’ve known each other since grade school and have been singing together just as long. Their voices are truly gifts from God! They gave Bill a private concert that Connie, Eric and I were privileged to share. They sang, we cried, they laughed, we asked about college plans, they sang, we cried some more. It was a spectacular day! You can tell that Bill and the girls had fun!


Peace be the journey….